I woke up this morning feeling kinda down. As a huge gay, Britney hadn’t posted an Instagram of children from the 1920s overnight, Cassie still hadn’t happened, and Carly Rae Jepsen’s Emotion was still a huge-ass unknown flop that the general public will sadly never understand.

I woke up this morning feeling kinda down. As a huge gay, Britney hadn't posted an Instagram of children from the 1920s overnight, Cassie still hadn't happened, and Carly Rae Jepsen's Emotion was still a huge-ass unknown flop that the general public will sadly never understand.

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In an effort to cheer myself up, I decided to watch some pop music videos.

In an effort to cheer myself up, I decided to watch some pop music videos.

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Because of said gayness, I put on the legendary early 2000s pop collab, “Lady Marmalade.”

That’s when I realized, all of my gay life, I had literally NO IDEA what Christina Aguilera was saying during her verse.

That's when I realized, all of my gay life, I had literally NO IDEA what Christina Aguilera was saying during her verse.

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So, I went to Twitter to try to see if I was the only one with NO CLUE.

So, I went to Twitter to try to see if I was the only one with NO CLUE.

I wasn’t alone.

I wasn't alone.

The gays started coming out in droves.

The gays started coming out in droves.

Gay after gay had no idea what she was saying.

Gay after gay had no idea what she was saying.

This gay thought it was just screams.

This gay thought it was just screams.

Slack

This gay thought she screams “MULAN” a lot.

This gay thought she screams "MULAN" a lot.

And this gay suggested that she was speaking “gay,” a language I thought I had mastered.

And this gay suggested that she was speaking "gay," a language I thought I had mastered.

Still no answers.

So, I did my gay civic duty and decided to figure it out for my people.

So, I did my gay civic duty and decided to figure it out for my people.

I fucking Googled it.

I fucking Googled it.

That’s when I got to that trusted purple lyric site that literally everyone uses, AZLyrics.

That's when I got to that trusted purple lyric site that literally everyone uses, AZLyrics.

And scrolled till I got to Christina’s part.

And scrolled till I got to Christina's part.

The mystery had been solved.

It starts with lots of inaudible screaming.

It starts with lots of inaudible screaming.

“Touch of her skin feeling silky smooth, HEY.”

"Touch of her skin feeling silky smooth, HEY."

“Color of café au lait, ALRIGHT.”

"Color of café au lait, ALRIGHT."

“Made the savage beast inside roar until he cried.”

"Made the savage beast inside roar until he cried."

“More, more, MOOAOREIORUAOSDFIASDF988879897498234978324789324%%%”

"More, more, MOOAOREIORUAOSDFIASDF988879897498234978324789324%%%"

Then Pink and Mya come in…

“Now he’s back home doin’ 9 to 5.”

"Now he's back home doin' 9 to 5."

“Sleepin’ the grey flannel life.”

"Sleepin' the grey flannel life."

Back to Xtina…

“But when he turns off to sleep memories creep.”

"But when he turns off to sleep memories creep."

“More, more, MOOOOOOOOOAORIUEAFASDFOIASFD8FPOSDA7ADFSASDFKJ.”

"More, more, MOOOOOOOOOAORIUEAFASDFOIASFD8FPOSDA7ADFSASDFKJ."

Then it goes into the “Gichie, Gichie, ya ya” part.

But there you have it. Christina Aguilera was actually singing words in “Lady Marmalade.”

Thank you for your time.

Thank you for your time.

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