This girl who was done with a capital D:

“It was Valentine’s Day and while we were out for a walk late at night, we got into a fight. I figured out she was basically taking me along for a walk while she stopped in at some guy’s house. I cried and told her that I loved her, and she said, ‘I know, and I love you too, but I also love dick.’ I dropped the rose she gave me in the street and ran away to cry while she went inside and banged the dude.”

This guy with the worst relationship milestone:

“I told my ex I loved him and he said, ‘Well shit, guess today is the day. I was waiting to break up with you until you said it.’”

This girl who almost blue it:

“This was more a friend love, but I definitely said it too soon. I was in middle school and she said something so stupid and funny, so I said, ‘God, I love you.’ She asked, ‘What?’ and I panic autocorrected to, ‘I love blue.’

“I spent the next 20 minutes trying to convince her that I was really into this one shade of blue while pointing at random objects and saying things like ‘but MORE intense’ or ‘darker’! This was, obviously, before smartphones.”

Pantone

This guy trying to have it all:

Me: You know what? I think I love you.
Him: Well, my girlfriend (that I didn’t know about) will be here in about hour, so why don’t you get up and cook us a quick breakfast, babe?
Me: *Smacked his face and left*

Submitted by Krista McBride, Facebook

This unasked-for psych eval:

“After I confessed my feelings she asked me, ‘Are you sure you’re not just lonely?’”

This unexpected cardio workout:

“We were kissing in his car outside of my house and I told him, ‘I love you.’ He looked at me and said nothing, it was like a 5-minute staring contest. I was super embarrassed and the only possible thing to do was run, so I opened the door and ran into my house. He didn’t chase me…or love me.”

This salt in the wound:

“[After I told her I loved her] she broke up with me and then told me that she slept with her best friend.”

This unbelievable martyr:

“I was 14, so obviously I swooped in with the L-word too soon and wasn’t truly in love with the person. Still, it broke my tiny heart when his response was, ‘Oh, I knew this was going to happen. I pretended to like you to make you feel good about yourself.’ Cheers man, that’s real big of you.”

This guy who’s kind of all of us TBH:

Me: I love you. And your dog.
Him: Yeah, she’s a good dog.
We were together for over a year and I’m pretty sure he always loved that dog more than me.

Vanity Fair

This triple plot twist:

Him: We need to talk.
Me: Yeah, we do. I have to tell you something.
Him: Me first.
Me: No, me. I love you.
Him: I was just about to tell you the same thing.
Me: Really?
Him: No. I was going to tell you that I’m gay, I’m leaving you, and I was sleeping with your brother. *walks out*
Me: …

This enthusiastic lover:

“He completely ignored me. I was on my period at the time and got super upset about it all. He asked why I was upset and when I told him he said, ‘Oh soz, I love you too I guess…I’ll remember to say it back next time.’ He didn’t say it back next time.”

This smooth criminal:

“I told one of my exes that I loved him and he said he loved me as much as I loved myself. At that time I completely hated myself. He did double pistols at me and moonwalked away. I wish I was kidding, honestly.”

FOX

This guy who just wanted to be friends:

“About 12 years ago, I met this guy at uni and became really good friends with him. My feelings quickly developed into something more and about six months in, I decided to tell him how I felt through a letter.

“He didn’t speak to me for a week and when he finally did, he told me he was angry with me. He said that I’d been very selfish telling him because I’d ‘ruined our friendship.’ We never spoke again after that.”

This name game:

“He said, ‘I love you too, Steph.’ My name is Francesca.”

This modern-day Narcissus:

Me: I love you
Her: Of course you do. If I was in your shoes, I’d love me too because let’s be honest here, I’m bloody amazing.

Comedy Central

This mood killer:

Me: I’m in love with you.
Him: Damn you for saying that. The entire time you were talking I was thinking about going to a strip club or at least getting a bj.

And I apologized to him for the inconvenience!

This ~subtle~ hint:

“He was my first boyfriend and I was a stupid 16-year-old. I told him I loved him on our eight-month anniversary and he told me he thought that word was ‘overused’ and wanted to wait for the right girl before he said it. I was his friggen girlfriend!”

This time travel from the 1950s:

“When I told my ex that I loved him, he replied, ‘No, you aren’t supposed to say it first, you are supposed to wait for the man to say it first.’ I should have known right then that it wasn’t going to work out.”

Universal Pictures

This foolproof transition:

“I worked up the courage to tell my crush I liked him, and he said, ‘Aww thank you, that takes bravery and courage. I appreciate it.’ Then he sent me a picture of Will Ferrell with a small face and wanted to talk to me about what was for homework.”

This speechless man:

“My college boyfriend replied, ‘I don’t speak English’ when I told him I loved him for the first time walking home from a party. I didn’t even know how to respond, so we just kept walking in silence until we got to my house.”

This shitty ending:

“After a few months on opposite coasts, my ex broke up with me via text and then FaceTime. I was upset and told her that I still was in love with her, then she was quiet for a moment and said, ‘l’m sorry, but I just back from China and I have traveler’s diarrhea and I have to go.’ And that’s kind of how it ended.”

This post has been edited and condensed for clarity.

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